>> Tuesday, June 26, 2012
I had dinner with a girlfriend of mine last week. She has been going through a lot with her husband. It's always good for you to talk to other married women and/or their husbands. You get so much out of it. What is the epic of growth is to have an opportunity to speak with the opposite sex spouse. If you have similar personalities you will get a great perspective and if they have the same personality as your spouse you will have a mecca of deep seeded insight and growth into yourself and your marriage.
Here's my revelation....As I was speaking to encourage my friend, I used and example and realized in the mist of being open I stated my flaws in my marriage. I was having an out of body experience as I was saying the words...I am argumentative. Saying how I got that way from being in that type of family setting eased the blow but did not change what I have become. Turns out her husband is like me and she has told him he should have been a lawyer.
In seconds, while she was speaking, I remember a recent incident where he did not want to resolve an issue with me for a few days and finally spoke to me about it over the phone because he said he knew he would not win. I assumed it is because he does not like conflicts not because he did not feel safe speaking with me. This was devastating. When speaking with my friend I continued to say "Poor fellow, what have I done to him". I have now taken on the responsibility of my flaws and mistakes. Vicariously she was able to find some resolutions through my story and I listened to her well, as she was a key to how I should make amends with my husband, as her personality is like his.
Since last week I have been less argumentative because I realize if I win, I really loose. Now my mindset is to listen, "draw out", if needed and humbly loose. In the car yesterday he made a comment about my driving I forgot what I was working on and said "look at that driver, now he's the one..." My husband then stated, "Always have to have the last word." I stopped dead in my tracks and did not say another word for a while- without being angry. I think his jaw was on his knee that I did not have a come back. It was a small but big victory. Another realization is we should never forget that we are working on ourselves in a marriage, otherwise you are being set up for unnecessary conflict and possible damage.
*The saying is true: "Marriage is fun but also hard work".