The Battle

>> Monday, November 29, 2010

Thanksgiving was great but it was after Thanksgiving that really threw me for a loop. My husband and I have had smooth sailing and we came to a bump in the road. Now most blogs do not bring up problems in their marriages but why not? How else can we truly learn from each other and relate as spouses.

It was not easy to hear all the things that led up to this point. He had a difficult time as well. We had silent treatments, to struggled for clarity, to time in our own thoughts, to expressed anger, to "just go I will live without you, I think, of course I will, kinda, good riddens." Then stillness. Then a sealed letter and long email simultaneously, to let's talk tonight and then the civil conversation of more reality testing and uncovered feelings, to more struggle for clarity but this time freeing. And Release. Smile, to giggle, to laughter and all is again, right in the world.

I have to tell you. I thought this was the big one. I even thought of all of you who are nice enough to join and check in with a few words here and there. Live Ever After (Happily) would have been no more or Live Ever After (with someone else). It really was difficult. I almost did not want to write about it but I knew I had to be true to myself and blog. That's a real blog in my standards. It's not just about recipes and jokes as I have learned.

I was really taken off guard as I did not expect it. We are at the point where we work things out simply and it has been a while since we argued. Maybe it was time for one. We became too comfortable with each other. There needed to be some shaking up to see what this marriage is worth. It took two days. But it had been rearing its ugly head for some time now, invisible to the both of us and then showed up and ruined the holiday weekend celebration. We just resolved everything five hours ago, but I tell you I am exhausted. It's the feeling of victory after a 10 mile run but better. Hearing him and my own voice speak about changes was the refreshing part. "You mean you don't want the D word?" Whew, What a relief. "I'm a keeper?" "Aaaah. Well I think I'll keep you around, just make sure you behave yourself".

Another married battle has been won. I am emotionally and mentally exhausted and going to bed now. Sleep is going to be soooo gooood. Goodnight. Thanks for listening.


The Egg Timer

>> Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My husband was reading online when he saw this joke and shared it with me. It was funny and kind of cute. The joke went like this:
A wife and husband was spending time together. The wife decided to make her husband's favorite, 12 minute boiled eggs for breakfast. She was looking around the kitchen when he asked "What are you looking for?" She said, "The egg timer". He started making advances towards her with that look in his eyes. He then lowered his tone and stated in code, "Let's have breakfast in bed". She stood for a second and started looking around again. Her husband looked confused and said, "What are you looking for now?" As she frantically continued looking, she said, "the egg timer".


"Mommy, you'll be dead...."

>> Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I have to admit the first time I heard it two years ago, it chilled me to the bone. The concept that I would die was truthful and logical but when it was said outside my head and out of the mouth of my then five year old son, this was horrifying. After the concept was repeated a few times over the years I am still a little queasy about it. I mean come on, when a child says confidently your going to die, you think for the most part "they do not lie about things like that" and "they are originally from God". They just left heaven to come here so they know the future somehow.

So my son says, "When I grow up I am going to da, da da and I am going to do this and that, too bad mommy you will not be alive to see". My back stood straighter, my hair stood up, my neck twist sharply towards him, my eyes lunged out of their sockets and my mouth reflexed and said "What"! Then calmly I said, "Why do you think I will not be alive to see you do all these great things?" "Mom" he gave me that sly look, "If you are already old now, by the time I am a teenager you'll probably be dead." (in a matter of fact, stating the obvious, let's be real and face it, kind of way). Then I thought, is there something you know that I do not know? But before I could ask the question I wanted to ask, my younger son said, "Yeah, you'll be dead". So I continued with "Why do you think that. Could you not see me alive when you are a teenager?" My oldest said, "No". I then felt wise and a cloud of resolution came upon me. "Well let's enjoy every minute together and pray that I am alive and that I will see you both as a teenager and when you're an adult and when you have jobs and a wife (you can hear the screams now, can't you?) And your children." That one created silence and they looked at each other.

They took me seriously and right then and there they started praying, "God please let mommy live to be really old to see us grow up" and the little one says "Yeah and please let mommy live to be a trillion, zillion years old to see my kids, in Jesus Name, Amen." Then I said "Amen". I paused and said, "But what about daddy?" Simultaneously they said, "Oh, daddy will be alive." (That's where I let the conversation lie).


Letum' Toughin' Him Up

>> Thursday, November 11, 2010

I love getting advice from mothers. It's a great network for reality testing and guilt reduction and having a feeling of comradery. I was at a function two summers ago and was able to meet a lot of people. One particular mother was dressed so sheik and had the nack for mingling with everyone. I was able to spend some time talking to her as my two sons were playing on the playground. She has a great job and was well educated. She was married with three older children, two of which are boys. I found her a bit intimidating but there was something very nice about her.

As we were talking I told her about myself and my boys which lead into this question I had about how to get them to stop fighting, arguing, and especially to get the older one to be more gentle to his younger brother. Well I got the surprise of my life when she stated, "I think you should leave them alone". I repeated her and said, "but they will kill each other". She said "No they won't". I repeated what she said again and continued, "but my oldest can be so aggressive and my youngest is so non-aggressive". That's when she said, "That's his role in life. His job is to toughi' him up." I then said, "but he tends to hit and push him." Again she stressed, "Step back and leave him."

I was then put to the test. I heard crying from the youngest as the older one pushed the younger off of the miniature marry-go-round. I had failed as I tried to implement what she just told me and I waited until I could not wait anymore. This woman on the other hand did not flinch and I stared thinking it's probably because it is not your kid. I ran over, reprimanded the oldest that what he did was not okay. (Mind you he would not hurt another child except his brother). I checked on the youngest and sent him back to play. The lady and I continued talking but I was still making sense of what she said.

Now almost two years later I understand that I shouldn't let them kill each other but understand that they both play a roll in each other's life and I don't always need to step in. My youngest is not the same sweet child I knew. He is sweet but a little "rough around the edges". He was able to get on a school bus for the first time without crying. He made friends with some older children as he is able to handle their interactions. He is not as innocent, as I see the little troublemaker my older son saw, but was unable to tell me. He doesn't wine anymore either, but he still likes to cuddle and give tons of kisses which he tries on my oldest son, to whom runs away and that makes the youngest chases more.

So that woman two summers ago was right, she discovered something and shared it with me. I'm thankful. Too bad I do not know her name. Hopefully I could be a mysterious mother with good advice that will help someone else. Turns out she toughin'ed me up as well.


The After Blog Party

>> Sunday, November 07, 2010

After the blog party I slept in which I do not usually do. The boys were at school and I had time to sleep and have pleasant undisturbed dreams of myself sleeping. On Saturday my husband and I drove into DC to a tutoring center we started volunteering with. Now it just so happen to be the same day as the rally to restore Sanity or fear, by John Steward and Stephen Colbert. If I was in NY I would have totally missed it. I had no excuse why I couldn't just pass by. At least I can say I was there. The only souvenirs I have are these pictures I took from inside the car, of the crowd that started to assemble and a picture of some signs I was able to get. (You can see them below).

My other blog had a party also as I also write about philanthropic giving. That was fun as well. I received flowers from my husband which I thought would become a historic event due to us moving a few months ago and to be honest I really wanted to feel appreciated. So I was on the computer and my face lite up when he walked through the door with the most beautiful arrangement. They were in the living room but had ended up on my side of the bed. I know the pollen is no good for when you are sleeping (so I have heard) but I am still mesmerized by their beauty and the fact that I have them.

Then I went to the parent teacher conference for my boys. I am happy to report they are both great at math. I am sad to report, they both live in their own world. The teacher for my oldest says she will have to wrestle him back to reality if she must and my youngest was always a sweetheart until his big brother got a hold of him. Now he is sweet but has a sort of edginess. That's the best way I can explain it. My mother came back from her visit overseas so it was nice taking to her and knowing she returned safely. Our relationship has grown into a true friendship and we laugh alot. I love that woman.

I just came off the veranda as it has gotten dark and I was crocheting a scarf for my other son. It's gray and black and it really looks nice on him. My other son had a request for a red, yellow and orange scarf which I finished. He says he likes it so that's good. I only started back crocheting after a a 7 year hiatus. We had fun yesterday as we went hiking with the tutoring /volunteer group to Great Falls in Maryland. That was crazy. I'll have to post the photo's at my next sitting. So that's the update. Chat later.